Log in

This is about my tagging system, so you know what you're doing when you're clicking around. (Well, to be honest, this is more for me because I keep on getting confused.)

[All Night All Day]
There are times when I tell myself, "Okay! I'm going to write something everyday from now on!" and open myself to prompts / requests. Of course, I never actually stick to this routine (boohoo), but I sometimes do get around to writing out a few of those prompts.

[Dyornal ng Isang Iska]
Started out as a weekly journal until I figured out that I wouldn't be able to keep it up. Now, I just post random blurbs about life in UP Diliman.

Simply put, they are rants. Usually written in response to something. I honestly think they're the least embarrassing things I write.

The title of an anthology of short stories I was writing 2-3 years ago. On hiatus.

[Mastery of the Art of Crying Silently]
When I write my feelings out. In comparison to [keyboardsmash], which is for essays, pieces under this tag are usually something of a more creative nature, like poems. Usually done when I'm feeling very upset.

[Public Service Announcement]
Like this! It's when I have something to say that doesn't really involve anything terribly interesting.

[Side A] / [Side B]
This is really just for LIFE, the anthology I have that's on hiatus. There are two parts to it, thus, Side A and Side B.

They're not things I write ABOUT school, but rather, things I write FOR school.

The name of my group of friends but it's also the term we apply for our original story universe (with characters based on us, of course. Yes, we're vain people.) 

[Anthology] / [Fanfic] / [Poem] / [Haiku] / [Story] / [Write-Up]
The type of literary piece the post is. Before the title of every post, you will see this, plus additional details. (e.g. '[story: SK]')

it's selfish and it's stupid

and I have all the reasons to say no
but I just don't want to see you go

Mar. 15th, 2014

birthdays aren't special.
I guess you're on the extreme end of the other side. A few months ago, I was like you. I was wary, and I threw up all the defenses that was humanly and psychologically possible. I was afraid. I still am. The difference is that now, I'm more knowledgeable (wisdom is relative).

Faith is that new knowledge. It's exactly that knowledge which you lack.

It's been a hard pill to swallow: that planning and scrutinizing isn't the answer in all situations. That in some cases, you need to have a little faith. I'm still trying to get used to it myself. To be honest, it's painful to see you like this as a result of once having had that faith and having it being taken advantage of.

You ask me what I'll get out of it? I can't tell you if I even WILL get anything out of it, but that's where the faith comes in. It's the same faith that I once invested in you, and in her. If I had applied the same approach which you are urging me to take now on you, I can tell you this much: we wouldn't be friends right now. There were many times I could've gotten up and walked away, but I stayed, and I stayed, and I stayed. I weathered through the abuses and the pain, and we are where we are now because of that.

Did I think we'd ever be like this? No. I had no idea where it would take me, but that time, I invested a lot of faith in it, and look where it took me.

That same faith is something I'm reviving now. Though I don't think you can ever understand.

I miss you.

I miss you. You've been so distant lately. I miss having a good conversation with you. I miss hanging out with you. Properly, I mean. It's weird. It's not like we haven't been talking or seeing each other. We have. But there's something different, something missing. When I spoke to you the other day, and also yesterday, it's like the conversation was empty (or perhaps that's just my perception). It was just small talk. I felt alienated in a conversation with only two people. It was like...I didn't know how to talk to you all over again. I want to talk to you, but I don't know what to talk about anymore.

I miss you. Not this you. I miss the you that I enjoyed being with.
I honestly love hanging out with you. I like going out with you, experiencing new things with you, and I want that to continue. I feel that, however, over the course of the past few months, I haven't been enjoying your company as much because of the maybe-romance that is ever-looming above our heads. It's been putting a lot of pressure on me--on us. I don't think we're going to work as a couple, but I still really like our dynamic. You're a very important person to me, and that's not going to change. But I can't force romantic feelings if I really don't have any. I don't want to lose you, but I also don't want to have you in a way that I can't return, that even the most fundamental level of me refuses to accept.

The past few months have been a learning experience for both of us, but beyond it all, I'm happy for it. I'm happy for the things I learned. I'm happy that I'm closer to you now. I'm happy that this finally prompted me to let go of something I had been holding onto for so long already. I couldn't have done that without you.

Maybe this is it. Maybe this is my answer.
you make me so nervous.

Feb. 25th, 2014

Well, then again, I'd much rather you be displeased by this rather than me crying myself to sleep at night, pretending that everything's okay. Because the latter wouldn't be fair to either of us.

I wonder if I really make you happy.

You seem to only be really happy when you're with other people. That giddiness you have with them is something you only rarely have when conversing with me. It leads me to wonder, then, if I truly do make you happy.
sana naman on the days that I only feel like half of myself, you exert twice the effort to talk to me.